Random Musings by Cliff

This is from one of the many daily emails I get. It made me smile so I pass it on.

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present.

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) After a number of injections my jaw got number.

19) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

20) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

21) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

22) I want it to be on record that I will record my record.

There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham?
(Probably for the same reason that custodians don't cuss…or do they?)

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend.

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it? Is it an odd, or an end?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital?

Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible

P.S. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

real love starts at the kitchen sink.

Liberals who hold candlelight vigils for condemned cop-killers will, without any sense of irony, insist that whenever a man is accused of sexual misconduct by a woman, the man must automatically be presumed guilty.

shamelessly taken from Proof Positive

Safe for work, but not for little kiddos.

Just because you're down, doesn't mean you're out.

About 15 months ago, my computer hard drive did its awful best to end its life. Since, for me, hope sometimes springs eternal, I did not dispose of the drive. I got estimates for data recovery and tried different DIY methods to recover the data. None of these were successful or practical. Recently,

Go here and read the rest!

h/t: Lawyer with a Gun

"The problem with quotes on the Internet is that

it is often difficult to verify their authenticity."

- Abraham Lincoln

h/t: Home on the Range

http://www.ncregister.com/blog/jennifer-fulwiler/the-apron-the-ultimate-symbol-of-a-culture-of-life?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=feed&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+NCRegisterDailyBlog+National+Catholic+Register#When:2011-10-10

We celebrated our 25th wedding anniversary October 4th. Kay's gift to me (besides the silver duct tape) was a story she wrote. Without further ado...

These Golden Years

This morning I woke up with my wedding ring set turned sideways. Most married ladies are familiar with that feeling you experience when the set grinds into the adjacent finger. (If you are in the middle of a firm handshake, it can be excruciating.) I centered it on my finger again, recalling the day my future husband and I went ring shopping. Mindful of our budget, we looked at a number of glowing golden rings that seemed to reflect in miniature the young, idealistic love we felt. We chose a simple gold band set with one small diamond for my engagement ring, and gold wedding bands for each of us.

Twenty-four plus years later, I absentmindedly checked the prongs that secured the diamond in place. One was a little worn, and that prompted me to look closer. I could see that in places, the band is thinner now, a little worn after these years together. Those areas, though slightly flattened, are also the shiniest, as if the frictions of life had polished it to a greater beauty.

I thought about that. Twenty-four years of dishes, changing diapers, pushing a grocery cart as I shopped for my family, and countless other chores probably wore a little gold off. There are likely a few atoms on the handle of the spade I use to turn the garden soil, and on the long-unused baby stroller. Perhaps the bread dough I've kneaded contained a microscopic amount. An interesting idea - does that mean when I ate the bread I became more valuable?

The ring has remained on my finger all these years, through thick and thin... at times my finger size varied. During one pregnancy I had to have it resized, and even stop wearing it during the last several months. It felt a little strange arriving at the hospital to have a baby without my wedding ring on.

I also had it repaired once when the prongs holding the diamond wore down, to minimize the risk of losing the stone. My finger felt so bare that I got out a gold costume jewelry ring to wear till the proper one was back in place.

Perhaps another activity that has affected it is the hand-holding my spouse and I have done through the years. The neighborhood walks, watching movies on TV, a quick hand clasp in church when the homily seems to be aimed especially at us - but also the hours of labor pain before each of our children were born, sitting at my ailing husband's hospital bedside, reaching out during the grief of my mother's funeral, a soggy Kleenex clenched in my other hand, or just sitting together on our couch - all those moments may have taken off a few molecules at a time, but they were certainly worth it.

The ring has increased somewhat in value due to economic inflation, even though it has lost its brand-new shine. So also has my marriage grown and become more precious, though my glasses have lost that rose-colored tint. We now look at each other with eyes that see the imperfections, but choose to love beyond them, just as I notice tiny scratches on my ring if I look closely. But I wouldn't trade spouse or ting, remembering all we've been through together. Both ring and marriage have stood the test of time, and God willing, I hope to be able to wear my ring at my fiftieth anniversary party.

- Kay

10/4/2011

a new laptop!

"How on earth can you see the TV sitting so far back?"

"Yeah, I used to skip school a lot, too."

"Just leave all the lights on ... it makes the house look more cheery."

"Let me smell that shirt -- Yeah, it's good for another week."

"Go ahead and keep that stray dog, honey. I'll be glad to feed and walk him every day."

"Well, if Timmy's mom says it's OK, that's good enough for me."

"The curfew is just a general time to shoot for. It's not like I'm running a prison around here."

"I don't have a tissue with me ... just use your sleeve."

"Don't bother wearing a jacket - the wind-chill is bound to improve."

And my favorite…

“Don’t bother cleaning your room. All the clothes and dirty plates give the room character."

h//t: coffeypot

birth certificate

Personally, I think it is all a scam job to help make Donny Trumpet look good and thus help the BO re-election bid by dividing the good guys. Don't doubt me on this.

Amateurs built the ark,

Professionals built the Titanic.

From following 300 blogs down to only 25 now. Both of you who visit here are still on my list. Even though one of you is sometimes nsfw. You know who you are.

This one is for the ladies.

haha made ya look.

You may not know this but many nonliving things have a gender.

1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything
in, but you can see right through them.

2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off, it
takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective
reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed,
but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.

3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often
over-inflated.

4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go
anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of
course, there's that hot air part.

5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft,
squeezable and retain water.

6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.

7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old
lines to pick people up.

8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the
weight shifts to the bottom.

9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much
over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have
around.

10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd
be male, didn't you? But consider this - it
gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it,
and while he doesn't always know the right buttons
to push, he keeps trying!

http://gatewaypundit.rightnetwork.com/2011/04/mississipi-locals-show-how-to-handle-the-westboro-cult/

10 Truths Black and Hispanic people know but White people won't admit
1. Elvis is dead.
2. Jesus was not white.
3. Rap music is here to stay.
4. Kissing your pet is not cute or clean.
5. Skinny does not always equal sexy.
6. Thomas Jefferson had black children.
7. A 5 year old is too big for a stroller.
8. N'SYNC will never hold a candle to the Jackson 5.
9. An occasional BUTT whooping helps a child stay in line.
10. Having your children curse you out in public is not normal.

10 Truths White and Black People know but Hispanic people won't admit
1. Hickeys are not attractive.
2. Chicken is food not a pet or a roommate.
3. Jesus is not a name for your son.
4. Your country flag is not a car decoration.
5. Maria is a name but not for every daughter.
6. 10 people to a car is considered too many.
7. 'Jump out and run' is not in any insurance policies.
8. Buttoning just the top button of your shirt is a bad fashion statement.
9. Mami & Papi can't possibly be the nickname of every person in your family.
10. Letting your children run wildly through the store is not normal.

10 Truths white and Hispanic people know but Black people won't admit
1. O.J. did it.
2. Tupac is dead.
3. Teeth shouldn't be decorated.
4. Weddings should start on time.
5. Your pastor doesn't know everything.
6. Jesse Jackson will never be President.
7. Red is not a Kool Aid flavor, its a color.
8. Church does not require expensive clothes.
9. Crown Royal bags are meant to be thrown away.
10. Your rims and sound system should not be worth more than your car...

Hopefully this will offend many people which is one of the primary goals of this blog.

It is reported that the man with the camera, Steven Hoag, explained his eerie calm thus: “I was a Marine and I love Jesus.”

This might be awfully risky, but just because all the hotshot movie reviewers hate "Atlas Shrugged" I think I will go see it. My past experience has been that what the elitists hate, I like. Stay tuned (both of my loyal readers) and I will let you know...

Carrie Rickey, Philadelphia Inquirer: "Atlas Shrugged. I arched eyebrow, scrunched forehead, yawned."
Roger Ebert: "The most anticlimactic non-event since Geraldo Rivera broke into Al Capone's vault. I suspect only someone very familiar with Rand's 1957 novel could understand the film at all, and I doubt they will be happy with it. For the rest of us, it involves a series of business meetings in luxurious retro leather-and-brass board rooms and offices, and restaurants and bedrooms that look borrowed from a hotel no doubt known as the Robber Baron Arms."
Joe Morgenstern, Wall Street Journal: "The book was published in 1957, yet the clumsiness of this production makes it seem antediluvian."
Bill Goodykoontz, Arizona Republic: "It has taken decades to bring Ayn Rand's "Atlas Shrugged" to the big screen.They should have waited longer."
Kurt Loder, the former Rolling Stone writer, for the Libertarian site, Reason Online: "The new, long-awaited film version of Atlas Shrugged is a mess, full of embalmed talk, enervated performances, impoverished effects, and cinematography that would barely pass muster in a TV show. Sitting through this picture is like watching early rehearsals of a stage play that's clearly doomed."
Peter Dubruge, Variety: "Part one of a trilogy that may never see completion, this hasty, low-budget adaptation would have Ayn Rand spinning in her grave."
Washington Post: "Nearly as stilted, didactic and simplistic as Rand's free-market fable."
Loren King, Boston Globe: "Even fans of Rand's 1957 antigovernment manifesto may balk at having to endure dialogue that would be banal on the Lifetime channel, along with wooden performances..."

Customer: I have problems printing in red...

Tech support: Do you have a color printer?

Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.

A guy walked into the local welfare office to pick up his check. He marched straight up to the counter and said, "Hi. You know, I just HATE drawing welfare. I'd really rather have a job."
The social worker behind the counter said, "Your timing is excellent. We just got a job opening from a very wealthy old man who wants a Chauffeur and bodyguard for his beautiful daughter."
"You'll have to drive around in his 2008 Mercedes-Benz CL, and he will supply all of your clothes. Because of the long hours, meals will be provided. You'll also be expected to escort the daughter on her overseas holiday trips."
"A two-bedroom loft type apartment with plasma TV, stereo, bar, etc. located above the garage, will be designated for your sole use and the salary is $200,000 a year."
The guy, just plain wide-eyed, said, "You're bullshittin' me!"
The social worker said, "Yeah, well . . You started it."

IN HIM WE LIVE AND MOVE AND HAVE OUR BEING: Something to think about...

This is a good article arguing for more sex education.

h/t: Simcha Fisher

where all the women are strong, all the men are good looking, and the children are all above average.

h/t:

IN HIM WE LIVE AND MOVE AND HAVE OUR BEING

Click on pic to embiggen.

h/t: coffeypot

Mommy Life: Tim Hawkins - A Homeschool Family - humor

"confessions be especially available before Masses, and even during Mass if there are other priests available,"

h/t: canterbury tales

Golly, they're only $845,000 each.

Get your edicashun here!

Good for a chuckle & serotonin lift to your day.

As a presidential candidate, Sen. Barack Obama (D.-Ill.) emphatically stated that the Constitution does not give the president the authority to unilaterally authorize a military attack unless it is needed to stop an actual or imminent attack on the United States.

h/t: drudge

Oh wait, what was I thinking. Our alleged president sought the OK of the UN. Nothing to see here, move on.

h/t: Mommy Life

h/t: The Humble Libertarian

Meteorological Musings: Really, Chernobyl Was Not As Bad As You Believe: "Rarely has one of my postings generated so many negative comments (email and in-person) as my contention that only* 50-60 deaths can be attr..."

wormme

Nothing to worry about, move along…trust me.

Posted on March 20, 2011 by wormme

Last night we saw our first quantified fallout resports, obviously reported by Ronny.
Stimulus: “No Radiation Levels of Concern”
Response: Gaaah! At least get past the title before trying to spin me. When one intentionally monitors a situation, one is concerned. That is textbook “concerned”.
I don’t blame the writers, assuming English isn’t their first language. So, a primer in being honest and not insulting your readers. Use the word “worry”. Better yet,”alarm”. As in:
“Radiation Levels are no Cause for Alarm”.
See? First, it eliminates a blatant falsehood. Second, it doesn’t treat readers like children. “Don’t worry your pretty little heads about it.” (Of course, they’ll also decide for themselves whether it’s cause for alarm or not.)
As an OCD writer-type, I’m more aware of that condescension than non-OCD writers are. But even subconsciously, people notice an ”air of superiority”. And it damages the writers’ credibility.
Which is too bad, because a glance at those numbers says ~~hush, little babies~~ that there’s no need for alarm.

Collectively, these levels amount to a level of approximately 0.0002 disintegrations per second per cubic meter of air (0.2 mBq/m3). Specifically, the level of Iodine-131 was 0.165 mBq/m3, the level of Iodine-132 was measured at 0.03 mBq/m3, the level of Tellurium-132 was measured at 0.04 mBq/m3, and the level of Cesium-137 was measured at 0.002 mBq/m3.

Let’s look at those numbers next post. We’ll need some new concepts, terms, and acronyms. I can feel your joy.

h/t: World's Only Rational Man

Our third concurrent mideast war starting up in Libya.

India is way ahead of USA in building commercial thorium reactors. Thorium sounds like it could be the miracle fuel of the future.

Meteorological Musings: Outstanding Article About Disaster Response: "Photo of the Three Mile Island cooling towers taken by me about a half hour ago. If you read just one article about disaster response (and..."

Updates from earthquake

by Chiemi Matsumoto on Saturday, March 12, 2011 at 6:09am

I appreciate all the prayers and warm message!! My family, Ryosho, Ryosho's family and I are fine. :-)

There are still aftershake, and we're feeling small quakes since yesterday. Yesterday was really shocking day for Japanese. North part of Japan was crushed by Tsunami, and still many people are missing.

I live in Tokyo. We felt big quakes many times, and Public transportation was disrupted. Many people couldn't go home. My co-worker had to stay all nights at office, and I went home by walk. My parents home didn't have electricity, and city hall had a few damages, but it was not as bad as North part of Japan.

All the Japanese television show only update news for earthquakes, and now we're worrying about atomic power plant damage... I appreciate if you can pray for people who lost family and home, and also people still staying in the evacuation area.

Thank you so much!!

Affection, hugging and caring for others would make a big comeback.
All people would be encouraged to develop and use their gifts for helping others.
People would be refreshingly honest and genuine.
A stuffy, high society would not do well.
Schedules and calendars would be followed.
Lunch would be at 12:00, dinner at 6:00.
People would be expected to keep their promises.
Last minute changes would be strongly discouraged (if not considered rude and offensive).
Places would be neat, clean, and organized (not just bedrooms, but cities, countries, the whole world).
The “grunge look” would be out, way out.
There would be a great deal more tolerance for repeating the same phrase or question.
The words “hurry” and “fast” would be not be uttered in polite society. “Plenty of time” would take their place. The rat race would not survive.
Stopping to smell the roses would not be just a cliché.
Work would be revered, no matter what kind, from doing dishes to rocket science.
Weather would be the only essential news item.
News would be more local (“A new McDonalds just opened up,” or “A dance tonight,” etc.).

Art and music appreciation would be BIG.
There would be fewer movies, but they would be replayed over and over.
h/t: National Association for Down Syndrome

Most of all there would be more love. The love Jesus would have us give one another.

R e s t i n P e a c e

Tom Woerz

October 20, 1956 - February 1, 2011

Courtesy of Albany Lawyer

Here are some questions that (maybe) should be on bar exams:

8. Torts: You've been contacted by a prospective client who has what sounds like a great medical malpractice case. You are a real estate attorney and have never done a med-mal case before. You should:

a. Refer the case to an experienced malpractice attorney in exchange for 10% of the fee.
b. Refer the case to your friend the car accident lawyer in exchange for 33% of the fee.
c. Take the case, making sure your legal malpractice insurance is up-to-date, and study hard to get yourself up to speed on how to handle a case like this.
d. Take the case and negotiate with the med-mal insurer directly so you get the full 33% fee, which will be a lot more for you even if you only get half the settlement a competent lawyer would recover.

Go to the link above for lots more examples. Kinda funny, kinda scary.

on a day too cold to work in the garage?

Brief sunny periods of calm pleasantness,

abruptly followed by nasty freezes for no known reason.

If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious!

When I was a kid, the adults used to bore me to tears with their tedious diatribes about how hard things were. When they were growing up; what with walking twenty-five miles to school every morning.... Uphill... Barefoot... BOTH ways…in the snowstorm... yadda, yadda, yadda.

And I remember promising myself that when I grew up, there was no way I was going to lay a bunch of crap like that on my kids about how hard I had it and how easy they've got it!

But now that I'm over the ripe old age of thirty, I can't help but look around and notice the youth of today. You've got it so easy! I mean, compared to my childhood, you live in a Utopia! And I hate to say it, but you kids today, you don't know how good you've got it!

I mean, when I was a kid we didn't have the Internet. If we wanted to know something, we had to go to the public library and look it up ourselves, in the card catalog!

There was no email!! We had to actually write somebody a letter - with a pen! Then you had to walk all the way across the street and put it in the mailbox, and it would take like a week to get there! Stamps were 10 cents!

Child Protective Services didn't care if our parents beat us. As a matter of fact, the parents of all my friends also had permission to beat us! Nowhere was safe!

There were no MP3's or Napsters or iTunes! If you wanted to steal music, you had to hitchhike to the record store and shoplift it yourself!

Or you had to wait around all day to tape it off the radio, and the DJ would usually talk over the beginning and mess it all up! There were no CD players! We had tape decks in our car.. We'd play our favorite tape and "eject" it when finished, and then the tape would come undone rendering it useless. Cause, hey, that's how we rolled.

We didn't have fancy stuff like Call Waiting! If you were on the phone and somebody else called, they got a busy signal, that's it!

There weren't any stinkin' cell phones either. If you left the house, you just didn't make a phone call or receive one. You actually had to be out of touch with your "friends". OH MY! Think of the horror... not being in touch with someone 24/7! And then there's TEXTING. Yeah, right. Please! You kids have no idea how annoying you are.

And we didn't have fancy Caller ID either! When the phone rang, you had no idea who it was! It could be your school, your parents, your boss, your bookie, your pastor, the collection agent... you just didn't know!!! You had to pick it up and take your chances, Mister!

We didn't have any fancy ########### or #### video games with high-resolution 3-D graphics! We had the Atari 2600! With games like 'Space Invaders' and 'Asteroids'. Your screen guy was a little square! You actually had to use your imagination!!! And there were no multiple levels or screens, it was just one screen... Forever! And you could never win. The game just kept getting harder and harder and faster and faster until you died! Just like LIFE!

You had to use a little book called a TV Guide to find out what was on! You were really stuck when it came to channel surfing! You had to get off your rump and walk over to the TV to change the channel!!! NO REMOTES!!! Oh, no, what's the world coming to?!?!

There was no Cartoon Network either! You could only get cartoons on Saturday Morning. Do you hear what I'm saying? We had to wait ALL WEEK for cartoons, you spoiled little rat-finks!

And we didn't have microwaves. If we wanted to heat something up, we had to use the stove! Imagine that!

And our parents told us to stay outside and play... all day long. Oh no - There were no electronics to soothe, comfort, and lose brain cells on. And if you came back inside... you were doing chores!

And car seats - Oh, please! Mom threw you in the back seat and you hung on. If you were lucky, you got the "safety arm" across the chest at the last moment if she had to stop suddenly, and if your head hit the dashboard, well that was your fault for calling "shot gun" in the first place!

See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You kids today have got it too easy. You're spoiled rotten! You guys wouldn't have lasted five minutes back in 1980 or any time before!

1. Buy a dumpster, paint it gray and live in it for 6 months straight.

2. Run all of the piping and wires inside your house on the outside of the
walls.

3. Pump 10 inches of nasty, crappy water into your basement, then pump it
out, clean up, and paint the basement "deck gray."

4. Every couple of weeks, dress up in your best clothes and go the
scummiest part of town, find the most run down, trashy bar you can, pay
$10 per beer until you're hammered, then walk home in the freezing cold.

5. Perform a weekly disassembly and inspection of your lawnmower.

6. On Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays turn your water temperature up to
200 degrees, then on Tuesday and Thursday turn it down to 10 degrees. On
Saturdays, and Sundays declare to your entire family that they used too
much water during the week, so all showering is secured.

7. Raise your bed to within 6 inches of the ceiling.

8. Have your next door neighbor come over each day at 5am, and blow a
whistle so loud that Helen Keller could hear it and shout "Reveille,
Reveille, all hands heave out and trice up".

9. Have your mother-in-law write down everything she's going to do the
following day, then have her make you stand in the back yard at 6am and
read it to you.

10. Eat the raunchiest Mexican food you can find for three days straight,
then lock yourself out of the bathroom for 12 hours, and hang a sign on
the door that reads "Secured-contact OA division at X-3053."

11. Submit a request form to your father-in-law, asking if it's ok for you
to leave your house before 3pm.

12. Invite 200 of your not-so-closest friends to come over, then board up
all the windows and doors to your house for 6 months. After the 6 months
is up, take down the boards, wave at your friends and family through the
front window of your home...you can't leave until the next day you have
duty.

13. Shower with above-mentioned friends.

14. Make your family qualify to operate all the appliances in your home
(i.e. Dishwasher operator, blender technician, etc.).

15. Walk around your car for 4 hours checking the tire pressure every 15
minutes.

16. Sit in your car and let it run for 4 hours before going anywhere. This
is to ensure your engine is properly "lighted off."

17. Empty all the garbage bins in your house, and sweep your driveway 3
times a day, whether they need it or not. (Now sweepers, start your
brooms, clean sweep down fore and aft, empty all trashcans over the
fantail)

18. Repaint your entire house once a month.

19. Cook all of your food blindfolded, groping for any spice and seasoning
you can get your hands on.

20.Use eighteen scoops of budget coffee grounds per pot, and allow each
pot to sit 5 hours before drinking.

21. Have your neighbor collect all your mail for a month, read your
magazines, and randomly lose every 5th item.

22. Spend $20,000 on a satellite system for your TV, but only watch BET
and ESPN.

23. Avoid watching TV with the exception of movies which are played in the
middle of the night. Have the family vote on which movie to watch and then
show a different one.

24. Have your 5-year-old cousin give you a haircut with goat shears.

25. Sew back pockets to the front of your pants.

26. Spend 2 weeks in the red-light districts of Europe, and call it "world
travel."

27. Attempt to spend 5 years working at McDonalds, and NOT get promoted.

28. Ensure that any promotions you do get are from stepping on the dead
bodies of your co-workers.

29. Needle gun the aluminum siding on your house after your neighbors have
gone to bed.

30. When your children are in bed, run into their room with a
megaphone,and shout at the top of your lungs that your home is under
attack, and order them to man their battle stations. ("General quarters,
general quarters, all hands man your battle stations")

31. Make your family menu a week ahead of time and do so without checking
the pantry and refrigerator.

32. Post a menu on the refrigerator door informing your family that you
are having steak for dinner. Then make them wait in line for at least an
hour, when they finally get to the kitchen, tell them that you are out of
steak, but you have dried ham or hot dogs. Repeat daily until they don't
pay attention to the menu any more so they just ask for hot dogs.

33.When baking a cake, prop up one side of the pan while it is in the
oven. Spread icing on real thick to level it off.

34. In the middle of January, place a podium at the end of your driveway.
Have you family stand watches at the podium, rotating at 4-hour intervals.

35. Lock yourself and your family in your house for 6 weeks. Then tell
them that at the end of the 6th week you're going to take them to
Disneyland for "weekend liberty." When the end of the 6th week rolls
around, inform them that Disneyland has been canceled due to the fact that
they need to get ready for Engineering-certification, and that it will be
another week before they can leave the house.

36. In your grim, gray dumpster (refer to #1), with 200 of your
not-so-closest friend (cite para. 12) regardless of gender, suffer through
PMS!

37. Sleep on the shelf in your closet. Replace the closet door with a
curtain. Have you wife whip open the curtain about 3 hours after you go to
sleep. She should then shine a flashlight in your eyes and mumble "Sorry,
wrong rack."

38. Renovate your bathroom. Build a wall across the middle of your
bathtub, move the shower head to chest level. When you take showers, make
sure you shut off the water while you soap down.

39. When there is a thunderstorm in your area, find a wobbly rocking chair
and rock as hard as you can until you become nauseous. have a supply of
stale crackers in your shirt pocket.

40. Put lube oil in your humidifier and set it on high.

41. For ex-engineering types: leave the lawn mower running in your living
room eight hours a day.

42. Have the paperboy give you a haircut.

43.Once a week, blow compressed air up your chimney, making sure the wind
carries the soot onto your neighbors house. Ignore his complaints.

44. Every other month buy green or red marine primer and put it in a paint
sprayer. Spray it over the roof of your house onto your neighbors car.
Ignore his complaints.

45. Lock wire the lug nuts on your car.

46. Buy a trash compactor, but use it only once a week. Store the garbage
on the other side of your bathtub.

47. Get up every night around midnight and have a peanut butter and jelly
sandwich on stale bread.

48. Set your alarm clock to go off at random during the night, jump up and
get dressed as fast as you can making sure you button up the top button on
your shirt, stuff you pants into your socks. Run out into the backyard and
uncoil the garden hose.

49. Once a month, take every major appliance apart and put them back
together again.

50. Install a fluorescent lamp under the coffee table and then get under
it and read books.

51. Raise the thresholds and lower the top sills of your front and back
doors so that you either trip or bang your head every time you pass
through one of them.

52. Every so often, throw the cat in the pool and shout "Man overboard,
starboard side" Then run into the house and sweep all the pots and dishes
off the counter. Yell at the wife and kids for not having the kitchen
"stowed for sea."

53. Put on the headphones from your stereo set, but don't plug them in.
Hang a paper cup around your neck with string. Go stand in front of your
stove. Say ... to no one in particular "Stove manned and ready" Stand
there for three or four hours. And say again to no one in particular
"stove secured." Roll up your headphones and paper cup and place them in a
box.

54. For airdales, install a steel roof, hire a neighbor to stop by at
random times to throw 2 x 4's and steel chains on it.

Mildred Fay Jefferson

Read this and then try to write something bad about the American Solders, especially the Marines!

The last six seconds…
2010 December 15
by justrand
.…in the lives of two heroic Marines. Why should the opinions of combat Marines carry more weight in the DADT debate than that of Ivy League professors? This long speech gives a hint…

On Nov 13, 2010 Lt General John Kelly, USMC gave a speech to the Semper Fi Society of St. Louis , MO. This was 4 days after his son, Lt. Robert Kelly, USMC was killed by an IED while on his 3rd Combat tour.

During his speech, General Kelly spoke about the dedication and valor of the young men and women who step forward each and every day to protect us.

During the speech, he never mentioned the loss of his own son. He closed the speech with the moving account of the last 6 seconds in the lives of 2 young Marines who died with rifles blazing to protect their brother Marines. This is that speech:

************************************************

“I will leave you with a story about the kind of people they are. About the quality of the steel in their backs. About the kind of dedication they bring to our country while they serve in uniform and forever after as veterans.

Two years ago when I was the Commander of all U.S. and Iraqi forces, in fact, the 22nd of April 2008, two Marine infantry battalions, 1/9 “The Walking Dead,” and 2/8 were switching out in Ramadi. One battalion in the closing days of their deployment going home very soon, the other just starting its seven-month combat tour. Two Marines, Corporal Jonathan Yale and Lance Corporal Jordan Haerter, 22 and 20 years old respectively, one from each battalion, were assuming the watch together at the entrance gate of an outpost that contained a makeshift barracks housing 50 Marines. The same broken down ramshackle building was also home to 100 Iraqi police, also my men and our allies in the fight against the terrorists in Ramadi, a city until recently the most dangerous city on earth and owned by Al Qaeda.

Yale was a dirt poor mixed-race kid from Virginia with a wife and daughter, and a mother and sister who lived with him and he supported as well. He did this on a yearly salary of less than $23,000. Haerter, on the other hand, was a middle class white kid from Long Island . They were from two completely different worlds. Had they not joined the Marines they would never have met each other, or understood that multiple America ’s exist simultaneously depending on one’s race, education level, economic status, and where you might have been born.

But they were Marines, combat Marines, forged in the same crucible of Marine training, and because of this bond they were brothers as close, or closer, than if they were born of the same woman.

The mission orders they received from the sergeant squad leader I am sure went something like: “Okay you two clowns, stand this post and let no unauthorized personnel or vehicles pass.” “You clear?” I am also sure Yale and Haerter then rolled their eyes and said in unison something like: “Yes Sergeant,” with just enough attitude that made the point without saying the words, “No kidding sweetheart, we know what we’re doing.”

They then relieved two other Marines on watch and took up their post at the entry control point of Joint Security Station Nasser, in the Sophia section of Ramadi, Al Anbar, Iraq .

A few minutes later a large blue truck turned down the alley way-perhaps 60-70 yards in length-and sped its way through the serpentine of concrete jersey walls. The truck stopped just short of where the two were posted and detonated, killing them both catastrophically.

Twenty-four brick masonry houses were damaged or destroyed. A mosque 100 yards away collapsed. The truck’s engine came to rest two hundred yards away knocking most of a house down before it stopped. Our explosive experts reckoned the blast was made of 2,000 pounds of explosives. Two died, and because these two young infantrymen didn’t have it in their DNA to run from danger, they saved 150 of their Iraqi and American brothers-in-arms.
When I read the situation report about the incident a few hours after it happened I called the regimental commander for details as something about this struck me as different. Marines dying or being seriously wounded is commonplace in combat. We expect Marines regardless of rank or MOS to stand their ground and do their duty, and even die in the process, if that is what the mission takes. But this just seemed different. The regimental commander had just returned from the site and he agreed, but reported that there were no American witnesses to the event-just Iraqi police. I figured if there was any chance of finding out what actually happened and then to decorate the two Marines to acknowledge their bravery, I’d have to do it as a combat award that requires two eye-witnesses and we figured the bureaucrats back in Washington would never buy Iraqi statements. If it had any chance at all, it had to come under the signature of a general officer.

I traveled to Ramadi the next day and spoke individually to a half-dozen Iraqi police all of whom told the same story. The blue truck turned down into the alley and immediately sped up as it made its way through the serpentine. They all said, “We knew immediately what was going on as soon as the two Marines began firing.” The Iraqi police then related that some of them also fired, and then to a man, ran for safety just prior to the explosion. All survived. Many were injured, some seriously.

One of the Iraqis elaborated and with tears welling up said, “They’d run like any normal man would to save his life.” “What he didn’t know until then,” he said, “and what he learned that very instant, was that Marines are not normal.” Choking past the emotion he said, “Sir, in the name of God no sane man would have stood there and done what they did.” “No sane man.”

“They saved us all.”

What we didn’t know at the time, and only learned a couple of days later after I wrote a summary and submitted both Yale and Haerter for posthumous Navy Crosses, was that one of our security cameras, damaged initially in the blast, recorded some of the suicide attack. It happened exactly as the Iraqis had described it. It took exactly six seconds from when the truck entered the alley until it detonated.

You can watch the last six seconds of their young lives. Putting myself in their heads I supposed it took about a second for the two Marines to separately come to the same conclusion about what was going on once the truck came into their view at the far end of the alley. Exactly no time to talk it over, or call the sergeant to ask what they should do. Only enough time to take half an instant and think about what the sergeant told them to do only a few minutes before: “.let no unauthorized personnel or vehicles pass.” The two Marines had about five seconds left to live.

It took maybe another two seconds for them to present their weapons, take aim, and open up. By this time the truck was half-way through the barriers and gaining speed the whole time. Here, the recording shows a number of Iraqi police, some of whom had fired their AKs, now scattering like the normal and rational men they were-some running right past the Marines.

They had three seconds left to live.

For about two seconds more, the recording shows the Marines’ weapons firing non-stop.the truck’s windshield exploding into shards of glass as their rounds take it apart and tore in to the body of the SOB who is trying to get past them to kill their brothers-American and Iraqi-bedded down in the barracks totally unaware of the fact that their lives at that moment depended entirely on two Marines standing their ground. If they had been aware, they would have known they were safe, because two Marines stood between them and a crazed suicide bomber. The recording shows the truck careening to a stop immediately in front of the two Marines. In all of the instantaneous violence Yale and Haerter never hesitated. By all reports and by the recording, they never stepped back. They never even started to step aside. They never even shifted their weight. With their feet spread shoulder width apart, they leaned into the danger, firing as fast as they could work their weapons. They had only one second left to live.

The truck explodes. The camera goes blank. Two young men go to their God. Six seconds. Not enough time to think about their families, their country, their flag, or about their lives or their deaths, but more than enough time for two very brave young men to do their duty, into eternity. That is the kind of people who are on watch all over the world tonight-for you.

We Marines believe that God gave America the greatest gift he could bestow to man while he lived on this earth-freedom. We also believe he gave us another gift nearly as precious-our soldiers, sailors, airmen, Coast Guardsmen, and Marines-to safeguard that gift and guarantee no force on this earth can every steal it away. It has been my distinct honor to have been with you here today. Rest assured our America, this experiment in democracy started over two centuries ago, will forever remain the “land of the free and home of the brave” so long as we never run out of tough young Americans who are willing to look beyond their own self-interest and comfortable lives, and go into the darkest and most dangerous places on earth to hunt down, and kill, those who would do us harm.

God Bless America , and..SEMPER FIDELIS!”

Original link: http://bejohngalt.com/2010/12/the-last-six-seconds/

haha. Okay, now that I have your undivided attention, please allow me to direct you to a most awesome post about Ephesians 5. Go directly to DarwinCatholic. Read, learn, and be blessed.

see it here at PJTV

Here is my only election prediction. The left coast has faced a nip & tuck battle over legalizing weed up until the SF Giants won the World Series. The demonbats are celebrating the win, getting stoned, NOT voting, and will wake up next week to a more sober Crazyfornia.

Hal would be pleased & proud. The famous computer from the movie 2001. I'm sitting in a waiting room at St Francis hospital in Wichita. SIL comes in and says my niece needs to be moved to another room because the computer glitched and shows someone else in her room. Supposedly, they can't even give her medications... I don't know. Surely there must be a work-around for something like this. Ugh!

h/t: Mommy Life

Random Musings by Cliff

Thursday, December 29, 2011

Monday, December 26, 2011

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Friday, November 11, 2011

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Sunday, October 30, 2011

Thursday, October 27, 2011

Saturday, October 15, 2011

Monday, October 10, 2011

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Saturday, October 8, 2011

Saturday, July 9, 2011

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Tuesday, May 10, 2011

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Friday, May 6, 2011

Wednesday, May 4, 2011

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

Sunday, April 24, 2011

Saturday, April 23, 2011

Friday, April 22, 2011

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Saturday, April 16, 2011

Friday, April 15, 2011

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

Monday, April 11, 2011

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Tuesday, April 5, 2011

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Monday, March 28, 2011

Thursday, March 24, 2011

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Monday, March 21, 2011

Sunday, March 20, 2011

Nothing to worry about, move along…trust me.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Saturday, March 12, 2011

Updates from earthquake

Sunday, March 6, 2011

Saturday, March 5, 2011

Friday, February 25, 2011

Friday, February 4, 2011

Sunday, January 23, 2011

Courtesy of Albany Lawyer

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Friday, January 7, 2011

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

If you are 30, or older, you might think this is hilarious!

Monday, December 27, 2010

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Friday, December 10, 2010

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Monday, October 11, 2010