Friday, November 1, 2013
Kids and Teens - Four Ways to Show Your Kid Respect
1) In teaching 2-3-4 year old kids, parents are very discipline in teaching their toddlers to say "thank you" and "please". It is an important lesson to be taught and an important lesson to be learned. However, that all seems to drop somewhere in grade school. Parents are saying "do it because I am your parent and I say so" - not many say "will you please do this for me?" The "thank you" seems to disappear as well. Members of a family think things should be done for them without be very nice to each other.So...parents...throw your kids a curve by saying "thank you" and "please" when they deserve it...it may confuse them and wouldn't that be fun? Being nice to each other in a family is just another way of showing respect.2) Most kids love to talk and they love to have someone listen to them. As you sit around the dinner table in the evening, ask your kid "what happened to you today" and "what was the most fun you had today?" It is important to keep it light. Never ask your kid "how was your day today?" They will always say "fine"...particularly Tweens (ages 8-12). If you can tell your kid is having a bad day, then it would be inappropriate to ask "what happened to you today" because they will not want to talk about it. They want to forget about it. Try your best NOT to "dish" out punishment at the dinner table. Any punishment connected with food and dining together may bring negative responses in the future for your kids.The family dining table experiences should be fun, warm and loving. By the way, kids do not necessarily want to hear your comments back to them on their experiences; they just want you to listen. It is a sign of respect.3) When you have to discipline your kid they want to know and understand what they are doing wrong that caused them to be punished. And as a parent, I am sure you think your kid understands what they did wrong and you don't need to explain it to them...wrong! Most kids have short-term memory and most of the times do not even remember what they did to get your negative reaction because at that point it is usually all emotional. A yelling match and a spanking on the bottom without a "lesson to be learned" is nothing more than abuse. The kids think it is the parent's responsibility to explain to the kid why they are being disciplined. I'm not stupid I am sure the kids will argue that your explanation is stupid and they should not have been punished. However, if you ask the kids (when they are calm and detached from punishment) they will also tell you they want to know why their parents react the way they did by punishing them. Kids said they don't mind being disciplined as long as they know the "why". It just shows respect.4) We talk to our friends and relatives about our kids. Show your kids respect by NOT talking about them when they can hear you talking about them; this incudes conversations over the telephone. Kids have big ears when they want to have big ears. It feels to a kid like it feels to an adult: when we hear other people talking behind our backs about us, it does not feel good.It is like my grandson said to me once: "if my parents tell you anything I do wrong - just throw up your hands cover your ears and say 'I don't want to hear about it'". We need to talk to other adults about our kids to our family and friends because it helps. However, make sure your kids are out of "ear-shot". Show a little respect.